Somethings going on over at the neighbor’s house

How well do you know your neighbors?  I wish I knew some of mine better, most of them are really nice people.  We keep an eye on each others houses in a very old school way, which is nice, not creepy.  It’s strange to live so close to almost strangers, but live so far away from people you love.

We live on a corner, so the back of our house faces the side of our neighbor’s house.  I’m not a snoop, but my kitchen window has a perfect view of their driveway.  It’s impossible not to watch the happenings while doing dishes.  In Michigan we don’t see a lot of our neighbor’s in the winter time, so spring and summer are a time to catch up.  This spring I started to notice things changing at the neighbor’s, not as much activity and I hardly ever saw the wife/mom.

A few weeks ago I saw the husband/dad in the driveway.  He was playing basketball in shorts and no shirt, his typical outfit the majority of the year (I don’t think the cold bothers him and to be honest his chest is a sight to be seen, I don’t mind).  A lady pulled up, about his age, with big blond hair.  She walked right into his arms, not so strange, and gave him several kisses, strange.  I almost dropped the dish I was holding when he put his hands on her face and kissed her again.

I told my husband what I saw and tried desperately to explain what I had seen.  In the weeks since we noticed that we rarely saw the wife/mom.  I continued to see the blond, but her comings and goings seemed casual.

Yesterday I saw the wife/mom helping their youngest into the house with a laundry basket.  I didn’t recognize the car and I didn’t see if they arrived together or if she was helping him out of a friend’s car.  I also didn’t stick around to see if she got in the car and left.

Last night my husband came inside after putting the garbage out to the street.  He had t-shirts for our two boys from some neighbors who always think of ours boys when they are on vacation, so sweet.  He also brought some gossip regarding our mysterious neighbors.

They separated last year.  Mom moved out with their oldest who just finished her first year of local college.  Dad is keeping the house with their two boys (one is in high school and the other is still in elementary).  I feel terrible.  This past year has brought them so much difficulty, challenge and changes.  I can only imagine what their home was like before the separation.

I now can assume the kissing blond is the new girlfriend and that the mom has a new car and was dropping off her youngest after his visit.  Things make sense now, but my stomach feels sick.  Marriages that fall apart hurt my heart and the fact that their youngest is still so young, makes me so sad for all of them.  I hope they are all communicating better and are still making their kids feel like a priority.

Sometimes when things look different, it’s no big deal, but in this case I’ve watched a very beautiful family get pulled in different directions from my kitchen window.  What’s happening outside your kitchen window?

July 27, 2011

Today was my 4th weekly weigh in and the first week I didn’t get in all 7 workouts.  I hoped to still lose 1 pound since I kept to my calorie limit and I did get in 6 workouts.  Well, I didn’t lose 1 pound, I lost 1.3 pounds, yahoo.  That brings my total lost to 5.3 pounds.  Remember I’m only 5′ 2″, so I’ll give you my weight and my BMI.  I’ve officially entered the 150s, well I’m at 159.8, but I’m in there.  My BMI is now 29.2, down from 30.2 just a month ago!!  Today was also a measurement day for me and I’m happy to say in the last month I’ve lost 1 inch from my waist and just over a 1/2 inch on my hips and thighs!!

After seeing three weeks in a row of weight loss, I can really say I’m trusting the process!!  Keeping to a calorie limit and working out daily seems to be the thing for me!!  I’m very excited.  If I can lose 1.4 pounds this week I’ll reach my first goal, 15% of my total goal.  If that wasn’t exciting enough, it would be just in time to go shopping for a new dress for a reception in mid August.

With all this exciting news you’d think I’d be over the moon and I am, but I still have so far to go.  I keep writing that I’m on this journey for the long haul and I am.  I need to keep restating my goal, it’s not just to lose a few pounds and become complacent.  I want it all this time, to go all the way!!!  Valentines Day will be here before I know it, but it’s so hard to wait.

I’m still committed, I’m still in this and I’ve moving forward, trusting the process.

July 26, 2011

Two days in a row of morning workouts, I feel back on track.  Amazing how something so small, choosing to get up when the alarm goes off, can be so empowering.  Each day that I choose me and get out of bed is the step forward I need.  It sounds simple, but it is not.  It is very easy to press snooze and go back to sleep, a little too easy.  Of course nothing easy is worth all the effort and wouldn’t make me feel so wonderful when I make the choice and get out of bed.

Keeping my eye on the game is important right now, because tomorrow is scale day.  It takes so much courage to get on that scale each week.  I go through so many different emotions in the 24 hours leading up to the event.  I’m hoping it will get easier over time, but until then I will keep my eye on the journey and trust the process.

Choices and courage, it takes so much to stay on this journey, but I’m staying on no matter what.

July 25, 2011

All things are a little shaky right now.  Barely gettings things done around the house, reading too many books at once and I didn’t get up in time over the weekend to get in a workout before the little ones got up.  I feel my control slipping.

Good news: I finally got all the laundry put away last night, which is good since it’s laundry day again.  I did get in workouts on both Saturday and Sunday, while my youngest was napping and I finished two books in the last week.  Which means I’m only reading five books now, ah geesh.

Well three of the five books have not been read in the last week or so and I’ve decided to put away another until I finish a book I started last fall.  It is a book that I waited a whole year to read, but when I started I got so nervous for the characters that I couldn’t read it.  Remember that episode of friends where Joey put the Shining in the freezer, I was so there.  I’m done waiting, I want to know what happens, oh goodness, I’m getting nervous again 🙂

I’m six days into my latest workout week and oh it’s kind of ugly.  Wednesday, Friday and today were great, I got up on time and got in my workout.  I’ve already fessed up that I slept in on Thursday and never did get in my workout…and as stated above Saturday’s and Sunday’s workouts were done mid afternoon.  Luckily I’ve been doing well sticking to my calorie limit.  My workout this am was hard going.  I felt lethargic for a good part of the beginning, like I was dragging myself through the workout.  I’m so not a morning person, as soon as I start getting up later, I go to sleep later and everything gets messed up.  I so need to get up and go to bed at the same time every day.  I’m hoping tomorrow goes better!!!

What has me pleased is how quickly I can feel myself getting back on track.  Not too long ago I may have let things slip further out of control, but today I feel myself getting back on track quickly.  “Just do it” is a good motto and of course remembering that everything doesn’t have to get back on track today.  Things take time, just keep pushing forward, any head way is a sign of your forward momentum and that’s pretty cool.

July 22, 2011

Couple of topics today: SYTYCD, a book review, my oldest’s current obsession and a status update on my weight loss journey

Last night on SYTYCD 10 became 8.  I’m not surprised at all that Clarice and Mitchell were cut, but just like Nigel said, it’s not because they are not awesome.  The fact is that they are all pretty spectacular, someone has to go.  Being in the bottom of this group is still an amazing place to be.

I finished Karen Marie Moning’s Shadowfever yesterday, loved this series!!!!  It was a long book, just shy of 600 pages.  There were spots that were hard to get through, but looking back at it now, I loved it all.  There was surprise after surprise in this series and so many I didn’t see coming.  Karen is very talented at creating a whole new world and I sunk right in.  This book did end the series, but from reading her blog it’s clear she’s spinning 3 more books off in the fever world.  I can’t wait!!!

My oldest (4 years old) has been obsessed with Adele’s Rolling in the Deep for some time.  The cutest thing is that he starts dancing from the inside when he hears the song.  The bass in the beginning of the song is pretty undeniable.  Throughout the day he breaks into the lyrics, sometimes with dance moves and sometimes without.  Lately he likes to sing the song how a dinosaur would sing it.  When he gets on a roll he pretends to be all kinds of different characters singing the song.  The words change, but the rhythm stays the same and it makes me smile every time.  I’m not sure what I like most, car, dog, cat, lion, dinosaur or fire truck Adele.

Now I have to fess up about how I didn’t work out yesterday.  Which is a real bummer because Tuesday I slept in and didn’t work out until the afternoon.  Today I did get up and get back on track.  I’m happy to say that I did stay within my calorie limit yesterday.  These things happen, I’m not sure if my body needed more rest or if I was being lazy.  I’m not going to drive myself nuts over it though.  Today I’m back on track and moving forward.

July 20, 2011

I did it, I saw HP8 (loved it!!!), I got in my workout yesterday afternoon and I lost weight again this week!!!

I was so very nervous this morning to weigh myself.  I finally got on the scale after giving myself a pep talk, which went something like: whether I lost weight or not I’m not giving up, I’m moving forward regardless.

My worry was foundless, I lost 2.2 pounds in the last week, which makes my two-week total 4 pounds!!!  I’m also proud to report that my BMI is now 29.5, just under the obese line.  I’d find this little feet a little more exciting if it wasn’t the 2nd time I’d done it since memorial day.  We’ll see if I can keep the scale going down this time and not right back up.

The fact that I lost weight while I spent the majority of my week away from home is pretty empowering.  I’m hoping to keep my forward progress going, I’ve got a long way to go before I make many of my new patterns into habits.

I was thinking yesterday about my history with weight, it’s a long one.  As a dancer I started worrying about my weight before I entered my teens.  Before I was out of elementary school I had a judge at a competition say to me that I was cute, but fat.  I can tell you now that I was not fat, not even close.  I was not born with a ballerina’s slim figure, and thus 2 1/2 decades later I’m finally dealing with it all with a clear mind.  After this mean judge’s comments I always thought of myself as unthin, not overweight, but not thin.  I always worried about my weight.  I didn’t diet per say growing up, but I was very active.  My BMI in high school was 19.2, which is at the low-end of normal weight, and I thought I wasn’t thin!  I now know how distorted my vision of my body was.  After college I grew to a BMI of 21.9 (which is my current long-range goal), which is about middle of the normal weight range.  I became depressed about my weight and my hibernation years began.  I was actually embarrassed about how I looked.  I can hardly believe it now, I mean that poor young woman felt so bad about herself and I wasn’t even fat!!!  As my depression grew, so did I.  My ending weight of my 1st pregnancy (with baby still inside my belly) was the starting weight for my 2nd pregnancy and until recently was the weight I was maintaining.  Well at least after baby #2 I got back to my pre-baby #2 weight and maintained it for 2 years, small feet I know, but it could have been worse.  Finally earlier this year I accepted my situation, finally got the cojones to deal with it and finally my weight-loss journey began.

Perspective, I needed some and I’m getting there.  When I look in the mirror sometimes I see the progress and other times I see the fat.  My goal is to see myself, really see myself, not the fat and stop beating up on myself.  One of my favorite blogger’s weekly goals is to love herself more and I so need to work on this.  I’m still dealing with angry thoughts towards myself, i.e. how did I allow myself to get to this point!  Stop that, just cut it out, it’s not helping, not doing me any good, not moving me forward.

I’m realizing now that the last time I was successful in losing more than 5 pounds (more than 10 years ago), I was about 5 pounds from my current goal weight.  Which means after just a week or two I could really see the change and began to really like how my body looked.  Talk about quick results right, well hello, because back than I wasn’t actually fat, gosh I wish I could go back and shake that girl!!  According to my schedule I won’t get to that weight and that body until the end of the year and I don’t want to wait that long to like how I look.  Why should I have to?  I’m not talking about being satisfied with my weight, I’m talking about not being disgusted with how I look.  This is going to be my short-term goal, to figure out how to love myself more now.  To start I’m going to let the proud feelings of 4 pounds lost sink in and feel all good and continue to trust the process!!

July 19, 2011

Several thoughts to share today: changes in my garden, a movie night and updates on my weight-loss journey.

My garden is in a transition period, the blooms that are left are far and few between, and there are a ton not quite yet ready to open.  How often do you feel this way?  Do you know that feeling of being at the end of a journey, but you see the next journey right in your path?  I kind of feel that way right now, well more on that later in the post.

We have our favorite baby sitter lined up tonight and we’ll finally see Potter!!!  It’s so much easier to go and leave your kids behind when you know they’ll have a good time.  My oldest is actually looking forward to tonight.  I think we might be one of the last on earth to see HP8, I mean after grossing $475.6 million  worldwide in its first weekend who hasn’t seen it yet but me 🙂

I just past one of the first test in keeping to a weight loss plan, the dreaded time away from home.  I was gone from Tuesday night to Sunday late afternoon and I got in a 40 minute workout each morning I was gone.  I also got in a 40 minute workout yesterday morning, my first morning home!!  I did break from good food choices a few times but they were minimal and in small quantities.  The whole trip left me very empowered.  I now feel confident that with a committed point of view I can stay on plan, pretty cool.

Of course I felt fat many times while I was gone, but when your BMI still has you in the obese section that’s bound to happen.  I just can’t wait for the day when I start to feel like I’m really making progress and start to feel not so big.  I know I need to trust the process and keep going, but this a.m. I had a stumble.  I turned off the alarm clock and slept in two more hours!!  When the alarm originally went off this am I had gotten 7 hours of sleep, but I was still so very exhausted.  I had not felt that tired in some time and took it as a sign.  Luckily my kids also slept in and I got 9 hours of sleep.  I felt rested when I got up (not weak, like when I get too much sleep), which was great.  I’m still hoping to get my work out in today, I’ll let you know.

Tomorrow is scale day.  I’m already getting nervous.  Of course I’m hoping for a loss, but if not I’ll take it for what it is, a chance to learn and make changes and nothing more.  We’ll see tomorrow if I can take my own advice.

I feel like I’ve past the beginning stages of my weight-loss journey.  I’m in it now.  I’m on my way to my fist weight loss goal of 15% of my final goal.  My first hope will be to reach this goal in two weeks, I’ll re-address this thought after my weigh in tomorrow morning.