It has been eight weeks since I reached the normal BMI category, which for me is 136.4 pounds. It has been Eight long weeks. It has been a transition of sorts. I’m in search for a new motivation. Sure my health is still the motivation, but I’ll be honest, besides my health my motivation has also been to look thinner. So, now that I’m technically no longer over weight (as of this am my weight is 132.1/BMI 24.2- loss of 0.8 pounds this week, 230-exercise minutes, water goal/calorie limit met) I should be able to let the thinner motivation go, right? Oh boy, Houston we have a problem.
I started this journey for my health. I wanted to be able to do things, not just sit home because I was embarrassed of how I’d let myself go. I wanted to keep up with my kids. My health will be a life long journey, so that stays put. I no longer sit home. I’m no longer embarrassed of my weight and can keep up with my kids, really I can. But now a new ugly has entered my life. A couple of weeks ago I was at movie night at my oldest’s elementary school. I was surrounded by moms of different size. Of course there were moms with smaller thighs and I instantly felt less than. I reminded myself the feeling was natural, but unnecessary for I’m no longer over weight. Do you think I convinced myself? Nope, big fat goose egg.
I’m going to be on vacation soon, pictures will be taken…bad pictures will be taken. I’ll look at them and instead of seeing the joy of the day I’ll think: geesh, look at those thighs, good grief. I’m thinking of this now, because I know how my mind works and I need to work on my protective barrier. I need to be kinder to myself.
All my efforts over the last 35-weeks have certainly lifted my spirits and that is something I can cling to. This past year has brought a ton of change my way, change for the better. My birthday is in two-days and a new year will begin. More, that’s what I want for my birthday, more healthy journey, more goals, more action and a kinder self-critic.
I’ve now lost 33.0 pounds (there’s that number again, see I notice it every time it appears), and I’m now 2.1 pounds away from my goal weight. I had hoped to be here by my birthday, but -3.0 pounds in 4-weeks is not how you make that happen. Oh well, seriously, oh well, I’ve lost 33 pounds!!! I have one more scale day before my vacation and I will continue with all my goals, one day at a time. If it takes another month to lose the last 2.1 pounds that is fine. It’s time to stop all the ugly and start being ok with slower change or simple forward movement. That’s life, right, forward movement. On ward I march and hey, in 2-days I will still be in my thirty’s and that I’ll celebrate.
Happy Birthday everyone. It may be several days, weeks or months till your next birthday, but what are you doing to celebrate YOU this week? Take the time and thank your body and mind for all you have. Take a break from the critic and give yourself some love.