Scale Day v35.0

It has been eight weeks since I reached the normal BMI category, which for me is 136.4 pounds. It has been Eight long weeks. It has been a transition of sorts. I’m in search for a new motivation. Sure my health is still the motivation, but I’ll be honest, besides my health my motivation has also been to look thinner. So, now that I’m technically no longer over weight (as of this am my weight is 132.1/BMI 24.2- loss of 0.8 pounds this week, 230-exercise minutes, water goal/calorie limit met) I should be able to let the thinner motivation go, right? Oh boy, Houston we have a problem.

I started this journey for my health. I wanted to be able to do things, not just sit home because I was embarrassed of how I’d let myself go. I wanted to keep up with my kids. My health will be a life long journey, so that stays put. I no longer sit home. I’m no longer embarrassed of my weight and can keep up with my kids, really I can. But now a new ugly has entered my life. A couple of weeks ago I was at movie night at my oldest’s elementary school. I was surrounded by moms of different size. Of course there were moms with smaller thighs and I instantly felt less than. I reminded myself the feeling was natural, but unnecessary for I’m no longer over weight. Do you think I convinced myself? Nope, big fat goose egg.

I’m going to be on vacation soon, pictures will be taken…bad pictures will be taken. I’ll look at them and instead of seeing the joy of the day I’ll think: geesh, look at those thighs, good grief. I’m thinking of this now, because I know how my mind works and I need to work on my protective barrier. I need to be kinder to myself.

All my efforts over the last 35-weeks have certainly lifted my spirits and that is something I can cling to. This past year has brought a ton of change my way, change for the better. My birthday is in two-days and a new year will begin. More, that’s what I want for my birthday, more healthy journey, more goals, more action and a kinder self-critic.

I’ve now lost 33.0 pounds (there’s that number again, see I notice it every time it appears), and I’m now 2.1 pounds away from my goal weight. I had hoped to be here by my birthday, but -3.0 pounds in 4-weeks is not how you make that happen. Oh well, seriously, oh well, I’ve lost 33 pounds!!! I have one more scale day before my vacation and I will continue with all my goals, one day at a time. If it takes another month to lose the last 2.1 pounds that is fine. It’s time to stop all the ugly and start being ok with slower change or simple forward movement. That’s life, right, forward movement. On ward I march and hey, in 2-days I will still be in my thirty’s and that I’ll celebrate.

Happy Birthday everyone. It may be several days, weeks or months till your next birthday, but what are you doing to celebrate YOU this week? Take the time and thank your body and mind for all you have. Take a break from the critic and give yourself some love.

Happy Birthday.

Scale Day v34.0

I’m a day late with my post. Oops! I have a good excuse.

I spent yesterday morning with my Nia White Belt Intensive trainer. She is training a new batch of students this week and I got to spend yesterday morning with them. Have you ever been working hard on a project? Week after week you work towards your goal, then life nudges its way in, your schedule shifts slightly, and that project you were working on just gets shelved. I’m sad to say that in the past several weeks my Nia studies have gotten shelved. I’ve been working more (paid work) and my time for Nia has disappeared.

In this post I’ll also be talking about my scale day, or should I say days. I don’t normally weigh myself several times in a week, but after last weeks strange change in weights, on Tuesday & Wednesday, I did weigh myself a few more times and yesterday morning. I came to one big realization, it was one I learned in the fall, but had forgotten.

Did yesterday refreshen my desire to pull Nia back into my daily schedule? What did I weigh yesterday?

It was strange to spend just a morning doing something that just a few months ago I spent 7-full days in a row immersed in. I met a lovely girl from Minnesota (we have a lot in common) and a man from Austria (he says when I was on a train (back in 2005) from Venice to Berlin I passed right through his town- pretty cool). Yesterday morning I was reminded of all the work I have yet to do, work that I CAN DO. I was reminded why I love Nia. And I learned a few things. Daily study is what I need. It wont be a lot of time, but it will be daily. I love pattern, I love routine, and there is only one way to get myself ready to teach…do the work. It’s a practice, not a perfect (love Niaisms) and I WILL practice.

Last week the scale read 135 (even though the morning before read 133.9) which was a 0.7 gain from the week before. Last week: water great, calories great, and I worked out for 230 minutes. This past week: water great, calories great, and I worked out for 298 minutes. I worked out once a day every day, except one day. So all in all these last two weeks have really been pretty good. I weighed myself twice between scale days and my weight went down to 132.5 and then back up to 134.3. Yesterday, official scale day, my weight was 132.9, for a loss of 2.1 pounds, yeah!! Wait, that is only a loss of 1.3 pounds in the last 4 WEEKS!! OMG.

So what was that little thing that I learned in the fall that I had forgotten? I have forgotten to fill 1/2 my plate with fruits and veggies. Sure I’ve been picking good foods and keeping to my calorie limit, but that is not the whole game. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, although with strange fluctuations in weight you may have guessed…oh yeah, it’s a #2 problem. With slowing down my intake of fruits and veggies I’ve become irregular, gross I know, but it is fact.

One other fact that I have accepted: If for what ever reason I do not get a good night of sleep I wont be getting in a morning workout. Yesterday I had to get up an hour early to travel for Nia class, then work, then parent teacher conference, take care of the home/kids, & make dinner…I was one tired pup this morning and didn’t workout. Instead of getting angry I’m going to understand the situation. I’m not lazy. I’m just tired. I’ll adjust my schedule and workout this afternoon. Stop all the stressing and simply find another way.

Next week is my birthday week and there is probably little chance I’ll make my goal weight of 130 by then or by my vacation. My weight is still in the normal BMI range, 24.3 actually, and that I WILL celebrate. I’ll keep moving forward, right on past my birthday and vacation…this journey is withOUT end.

New patterns and reminders are my themes of the week. What have you forgotten recently that you need to re-learn?

Scale Day v33.0

Patterns can show truth that you are unwilling to see.

Prior to my healthy journey I was in a pattern of gaining weight. It was not until I was determined to reverse the pattern that I began to change the pattern. Slowly but surely I began to lose weight. Weeks became months and I watch my BMI shrink from the bottom of the obese range to the top of the normal weight range. I did this with a change in my patterns. No secrets here. I simply lowered my calories, increased my water, and increased my activity…magic bullet.

Now I’m in the end of my first phase in my healthy journey and I’m having a hard time moving forward. My motivation is not the same. Sure I’m not super trim, but I’m no longer over weight. I’m no longer over weight, it can happen, it did happen 😀 With the change in my motivation I was concerned that my healthy pattern would disappear and I would slide right back into those unhealthy patterns. The thought scares the crap out of me!! But that really is not going to happen, sure it could, but it will NOT. I simply enjoy my workouts too much. I also enjoy my healthy eating style. Having energy and feeling good IS my new addiction. Temptations to sleep in or eat an extra piece of pizza are going to happen, but not daily, not anymore.

As of last week I was just over 4 pounds away from my weight goal. My weight goal provides me with a 6 pound margin before I slip back into the over weight range and it’s a nice round number at 130 (remember I’m only 5′ 2′).

Back when I was losing a pound or more consistently a week I was getting around 400 minutes of exercise a week. My goal has remained 400 minutes a week. I have not put in 400 minutes since my Nia training, which was just before Thanksgiving! Sure the holidays put a monkey wrench into my plans and extra work now makes extra workouts difficult. I keep trying to get 400 minutes, but it just isn’t going to happen. My schedule is just so tight and I can NOT do it ALL.

I think it is time for some new goals.

My exercise goal is now to workout once a day, everyday. I’m not going to fight about the minutes, although this should give me mid 300s, not bad. However, if I’m going to lower my minutes, I also need to lower my calories a bit, boo, but a necessary evil.

So why all this re-working? Well yesterday I did something I almost never do, I weighed myself on a non-weigh day. Back in college, when I was bulimic, I weighed myself like crazy. I do not want to become obsessed with the numbers. I want to trust the process. Anyways, I’m really glad I did, simply because of the number, 133.9. I was only 0.4 pounds down from last week, but I kinda love the number 33. There are several reasons why I love this number and I wont bore you with them. And don’t think I didn’t notice that this is week #33, see the name of this post!

Weird!

Today I weighed myself again, because it actually is scale day and I weighed 135.1, WHAT? I worked out yesterday, got all my water, and I did NOT go over my calorie limit. The human body is a mystery! Strange fluctuations have probably been happening all along, but I have not been weighing myself daily to know. But I am super glad I saw the scale yesterday, because I think seeing 135.1 today, after meeting my calorie limit & water goal each day (that alone should at least allow me to maintain my weight) would have made me cry, hard. Unfortunately I did skip two workouts this past week and I didn’t get in any double workouts, for a total of 230 minutes, still not terrible at all.

So what am I getting at? I want to trust the process. I know my minutes goal has to change and I’ll accepted the slower pace in my weight loss. Slow and steady wins the race after all, right?! I think not meeting my exercise minute goal was pulling me down, a pattern I was hating, which is just silly!!

Slow and steady! Trust the process! This I can do!

Do you have a goal that you consistently do not make? How are you going to change your pattern?

Scale Day v32.0

This past week I was looking to change so many things. My effort and my outlook needed a complete overhaul, my balancing act of tasks needed some shuffling too.  After losing just 1.3 pounds in the last 4-weeks and actually gaining weight last week, a new pace was an obvious must.

Change is hard, sometimes it takes being at a fork in the road, which is certainly were I was. When you see only two ways to move forward you have to choose. Choose to keep going down the road you’ve been paving and accept the inevitable, or you can choose something different.

Do you like the road you are on?

I didn’t like my road and it was dragging me down, back to the place I was pre-healthy journey. I don’t ever want to be that person again. She was sad, pained and very unhappy. I’m not sure which I wanted more, to move forward or not to go back.

So I was faced with making a backward trend official or with moving the ball forward, how did I do?

I increased my exercise minutes by 252%, yes, that’s right, but I still didn’t make my goal of 400 exercise minutes, boo. I can only reach that goal if I do at least one double workout, which I didn’t do. But I did get up each day and workout, for a total of 340 minutes, not bad at all!! I also kept to my calorie limit and I was, on average, just shy of reaching my water goal every day.

When I got up this morning I was nervous to step on the scale. Oh I’ll be honest, I started getting nervous last night. Luckily this was also a measuring day, but I was not excited about that either, remember I lost just over one pound in the last 4-weeks.

I measured first, hoping for some encouraging news. Hips -0.25, Upper Arm, -0.25, Bust -0.5, waist -1.0, not bad, not bad. I’ve lost 6 inches off my waist since July, so cool, no wonder last summer’s shirts look like maternity shirts on me now. The scale also had good news, but not as good as I had hoped, I’m down 0.8 pounds. So I didn’t quite lose what I gained last week, which was 0.9 pounds, but the scale is moving in the right direction, major YEAH!!!

I also changed up my schedule a bit and the day, although still tough to fit everything in, seems to run a little smoother. I’m making time each day to work on my books, I’ve already added 1,480 words this week and I’ve started reading a craft book on plot & structure. I have to giggle about the book, because never could I imagine that I would find it so fascinating, where was this girl in school? Working on my books makes me happy, must remember this.

OK, now what?

My healthy goals for the week: continue to work out every day and pick a day for a double workout…Monday. Continue to be vigilant in my food choices and spread the calories out. I’ve been making a better water effort, but this week, it’s goal time, hit it every day.

I have 3 more scale days before my birthday and 4.3 more pounds to lose, well that’s ugly and that’s not the attitude I’m going for either. I have 4 more scale days before we leave on vacation…Goal: to reach my weight goal by either my birthday or my vacation.

No time for moving back or for being stagnant, moving forward is the only option here, a new pattern is a MUST!!

Have you made any new patterns lately?

Scale Day v31.0

I’m sad, I’m very sad.

Sometimes life gives you lots of lemons, it can be hard to pull through it all and see the other side. I’m struggling at the moment, but that’s just life, right? A blow hits you when you are down…you just can’t seem to get right back up…so you stay down…then the next hit gets you and you’re out…is that it?

No, that’s not it. you struggle a bit more and find some leverage, but then another hit connects…frustration, tears, sadness…is that it?

No, but I don’t have to take it either…

Change…stop doing things the same way, stop looking at things the same way…have hope…stop internalizing your own and others problems

Shake some happiness in and keep stirring until you find it settling its way back in

Yes, life has me down at the moment, a zillion little things, some not so little. I’m worried about my dad sure (he’s still in rehab for alcoholism and I’m worried about him) and I’m worried about a million things in my family unit . I’m sick of being worried. I’m not spending time on things I love, like Nia and my writing, which just makes me sad…add in all the worry and I’m making myself sick!

So did I spend a great week working on my healthy journey? Surely that could lift my spirits.

Hmmm…lets take a look:

-Hunger scale: on average each day in the last week I was 250 calories above my limit

-Water: on average each day I was missing 16oz from my goal

-Exercise Minutes: my goal is 400 minutes a week and I got in 135 minutes, that’s only 3 workouts

Well that doesn’t sound like someone who is trying to lose the last 4 pounds to her goal. That’s some truth and here is some more: I didn’t lose this week, I didn’t maintain, nope, I gained 0.9 pounds. I’m not surprised.

I have not lost 1 pound two weeks in a row since late November!!! In the last two months I’ve lost, but only 5.7 pounds. I can take a slow snails pace, but now that slow pace has stopped and gone into reverse.

So now what am I going to do about the situation? That is the question. Am I going to shut down and quit?

No.

Change, I’ve got to start some change.

This morning I got up and completed one of my hardest workouts and I feel great, but I’m already behind on my water. HOLD that thought a minute while I fill my glass… That’s better. Back to basics, back to remembering what it takes and back to routine. Change yes, but change back to what works for me…routine. I will stick to my calorie limit by listening to my hunger scale and drinking all my water. I’ve told my dear husband about my new strict bed time, he helps, if I tell him what I need help with, so nice. Since I will be going to bed on time, I will get up each morning and work out.

I have 4 weeks now till my birthday and now I have 5.1 pounds to lose.

Big girl breath…

We can do anything that we put our mind to, right?